What the recent Orlando shooting teaches us.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, I’m pretty sure you’ve read about the Orlando shooting that took place recently and is being dubbed as the most horrific and deadliest mass shooting in the US. The shooting left a 50 people dead and hundreds injured and millions scarred for life.

So why the unrest? Probably because the shooting took place in a Gay night club. Or because the shooter belonged to a particular religion (read Islamophobia). Or because the IS took responsibility for the attack. Or because Donald Trump had to politicize the incident with one mean tweet. Or because Indians and many others who can be best described as homophobic are suddenly enraged by it. Or because you’re one of those people who’ll complain how the world does not care about what is happening in most areas of conflict throughout the world. I could go on and on…

But the fact of the matter remains that lives were lost and since it was an attack on certain people who are still trying to find acceptance from certain classes of people, the whole thing turns all the more nightmarish.

While Donald Trump uses this incident to propagate his anti-Islam agenda, I read a post by a member of the LGBTQ community who said that even in such difficult times, love is the only answer there is. That they may be enraged but there’s no place for Islamophobia in their world because at the end of the day we’re all the same people- made of same flesh and blood. And that is all the answer that one needs. If a person who’s so deeply and personally connected with the tragedy can see the situation so clearly, why is it that we are not able to do so?

Is it because we’re inherently racist but refuse to acknowledge it? And we use incidents like these as an outlet to justify our racism or our hatred? These are just plain facts that I am laying down over here. And it is amazing that for a society that prides itself on being so advanced, scientifically, we have failed to perhaps find the meaning of humanity.

There are hundreds of people out there trying to change the narrative of what happened but we have to realize that it is doing us more harm than good. Maybe it is time to process this all in a more positive light- for example, we Indians are enraged over what happened, atleast that’s what our social media accounts say, but how many of us feel no qualm in cracking a gay joke? Or terming a friend as ‘gay’ if they do something that is not in consonance with our definition of ‘manliness’. Or how many of us realize that we are guilty of the crime as much as the shooter till the time Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code is not repealed? 

These are some very hard questions with no easy answers but the recent Orlando shooting is the wake up call that the world has needed since long to be more accepting towards everyone not for some huge reason but simply because we’re all human beings and that is all the reason that we need to love and support each other.

The Untitled Poem

Sometimes it so happens that you read something, or come across a situation that leaves a profound impact on you and as a writer the only way at times to let go or in a remote sense, 'deal' with the situation is to write about it because writing is the only source of liberation out there for weirdos like me. 

So the past couple of days have been turbulent times coupled with finishing a soul stirring novel, The Pact (Hello, book review!). Anyways, I was basically writing aimlessly and ended up with this. I suppose I have taken a lot of relaxation with the "strict rules" of poetry but pretty sure that it remains within the broad confines of its meaning.

However, I was not able to come up with any suitable title for this work, which is ironic since I am a self professed writer but sometimes words just aren't enough so I just ended up calling it the Untitled Poem which goes like this:

"I saw death from the closest quarters and it was not me who was dying,
'twas someone I love perhaps more than myself; anything else, I would be lying.

First glance at him and I knew I'd found my guardian angel, but today I sat next to him in a vehicle with high pitched sirens, transfixed as roles reversed;
and my blessing turned into my biggest curse. 

I looked into his milky eyes seeing not even a cry for help,
my own cries doused by the sirens or maybe the alarm bells ringing in my head. 

I kept screaming his name and then some more for that's what the doctor told me-
"your words are the only thing keeping him alive, so just talk to him, please."

I was scared to death, an irony of sorts and yet my tears won't fall;
baby I've loved you more than you can ever know and I have to tell you that you're all I had been waiting for...

You can't leave me like this for we've just started and there are too many miles to go, too many places to be
and too many kisses left incomplete. 

He suddenly takes a short breath, breathing a new life into me.
Now the only challenge is to keep those breaths going, till the time we reach..."

- Mrinaal Datt

Why do Indian kids lie to their parents?

Why do Indian kids lie to their parents? It's an age old question that I have asked myself ever since I first lied to my parents over some trivial matter that I can't even seem to remember now. And before you judge me, I want you to think long and hard about the last time you lied to your parents. It does not have to be something major- just anything like maybe your tests scores or that you bunked a class for a movie. I'm pretty sure you'll think of one. If you can't, then either you've got some really cool parents or you're just lying, you compulsive liar.

So why do we lie to them? 

I have thought about it a lot and I could think of two reasons- they care for us, they're our 

parents after all and that they don't trust us. While the first reason I totally understand, it is the second reason that makes them go OTT- they don't trust us with our decisions, our choices, our friends, our dressing- you name it. 

I mean how many of you have told your parents you drink? Or have got a boyfriend/girlfriend? Or you're going out for a movie and not a "group study"? I'm guessing not quite a lot. So what does it stem from? The lack of trust. Because no matter how much they try to stress on the fact that they're your "friends" (apparently it is a tactic that most parents use) they will never be able to digest the fact that you drink or are dating someone because obviously "log kya kahenge" and of course the fact that they look at every friend of yours as a drug addict or a potential rapist or good for nothing in plain old simple words. So what does a poor kid do? He or she lies. 

Because he was looking for a friend in the first place in his parents but unfortunately he got lost in their judgments. 

A kid learns everything from his parents but as he grows up instead of explaining him stuff, he's simply shushed and if you dare to ask why- "because we say so" comes the reply. 

Sometimes I think they're a part of the problem themselves. How else do you explain your parents asking you to fetch a glass of water or switching the channels when an intimate scene approaches? Avoiding it instead of addressing the issue with a teenager with raging hormones kind of is the reason why we have so many uninformed pre- adults in the country. Or how do you explain your parents subtly telling you to avoid mixing with people of the opposite sex as you grow up? That makes them a part of the problem. Instead of dousing their curiosity, you're only igniting it further. So of course you're gonna create liars! 

And it is sad, because when I read my news feed these days with articles of teenage pregnancies, kids lying about their whereabouts etc etc, it makes me cringe. Because maybe, just MAYBE a parent had guided them in their actions instead of a peer, they would have been better off. 

The recent firing incident in PU shows we have failed as a society

By now almost all of you have read or heard about the recent firing incident that took place in the Panjab University campus. Allegedly- a spat between two political groups resulted in a firing and subsequent arrests and mudslinging between the parties. Now I am not going to into the politics of all this but simply take the reader’s attention from all of this to a very important issue that has taken a backstage amidst all of this i.e. how we have failed as a society.

Cops at the campus after the firing incident

First off, there are some difficult questions that need to be answered- why are arms being brought inside the campus? Whether it is being done by insiders or outsiders is irrelevant, why is the need to carry them alongwith you at all? And why have we become so impatient that at the slightest of provocation one starts brandishing violence?

Answers to this are many, many political many otherwise but the most glaring of all being that we have failed as a society and as human beings. Punjab is a state that prides itself on being the bravest, of course since the highest number of army men serving are the inhabitants of this place. But they are also known to be the most kind. The humility and the love showered by the people are examples that are spoken highly of…yet of late there has been a change in this reputation.

Do you? Because I surely as hell do not.

Suddenly we are the people who are famous for being loud, uncouth, violent who love showing off their wealth. Atleast that is what our culture is depicting nowadays- you hardly come across a song that does not talk about violence (a la AK 47 or something about picking up a fight with another guy) or booze or objectifying women. Or movies that are in a really bad taste and show the people as dumb and the like. Is this not all a reflection of what we have become? Or is it the other way round? These songs, movies and happenings around us are teaching us that it is okay to preach violence and be rowdy and unruly because for some reason it is cool and swaggy to do so?

Whatever it is, it reflects poorly on us and is a portrayal of our deterioration as humans. Being on the campus it scares me, for it makes me think of the innumerable shooting incidents that occur in America that we keep hearing about and it the very thought of it shudders me to the core that today it has happened outside the law auditorium, tomorrow it can happen inside any of our departments and by the time we realize what a huge blunder we have made by allowing such petty politics in our campuses, it will be too late.

While we love aping the West, I hope we do not go down that road when it comes to this.

Eulogy for my grandfather

My eulogy speech for my nanu

In the last blog post I wrote about dealing with the loss of a loved one, today I will be sharing my eulogy speech that I wrote for my grandfather (nanu). It was my first experience of witnessing death so closely and it has been difficult.

Anyhow, here is the full text of my speech-

''On the untimely demise of my nanu, I would like to express my deepest gratitude to all of you who have come here and joined our grieving family.

My nanu perhaps needs no introduction for he was an enigmatic personality- disciplined, honest, kind and extremely brave. I have many fond memories of him for he was a constant source of guidance and support to me. He had always motivated me to achieve more and more in life. I am going to miss all of that and more. I was lucky to have met him before he went away. He has left us with a void that can never be filled.

But perhaps the most difficult it has been for my nani, who had been a constant companion and support to my nanu. No one can hardly begin to imagine her pain and I hope God provides her with all the courage to deal with this irreparable loss. We are all with you.

At the end, I only have a small poem to share with you that I would like to dedicate to the departed soul-

'No farewell words were spoken

No time to say goodbye

You were gone before we knew it and only god knows why

My heart aches in sadness and secret tears flow

What it means to lose you, no-one else can know

A presence from our family has gone

A voice we loved is still

A place is vacant in our lives 

That never can be filled

The blow was great

We never thought the end was near

And only those who have lost, can tell

The pain of heartache without farewell

Your memory is our keepsake

From which we will never part

God may have you in his keeping

But we still have you in our heart'''

How do you deal with the loss of a loved one?

How did you deal with the loss of a loved one?

         

The loss of a loved one does not mean they are gone, their spirit still lives within us. – Katelyn Spotten

This is perhaps the most intimate quote I have read on the death of a loved one.

I recently lost my nanu (grandfather) to a hard fought 11 year long battle with cancer and to say that it has been tough would be an understatement. My nanu was a civil servant who had worked hard all his life. Eleven years ago when he was diagnosed with cancer, I was too young, yet it felt like the whole world had come crashing down on us. But he sailed through it- eleven years cancer -free, only for it to return last year. And so the whole cycle began again- the countless sessions of chemotherapy, a radiation so strong that though it may keep you alive but it would somewhere deep down crush your soul and your spirit.

After completing his session of six months I thought it was all good now but he never really recovered- his body was too frail, his bones were visible underneath his skin yet he kept smiling through it all. He passed away last Wednesday and I had just met him on the Sunday before and he kept chit-chatting with me, asking about a recent vacation I took and the likes. And to imagine that he is no more there with us puts my stomach in knots. It is not that I do not understand that this is the way life works or that given his condition, this was inevitable but how do you prepare yourself for the death of a loved one? Or its aftermath?

Most people know my nanu as a strict public official, but for me he was the kindest, sweetest man I know.

I still cant stop myself from tearing up when I think about him or when I am with my nani or my mom or her siblings. And if it is this tough on me, I can only imagine how difficult a time it is for them. Yet, people say I was lucky that I got to meet him before he left us, but does that ever fill the void that has been left behind?

But all along, what has surprised me is the sheer amount of strength my grandma and my mom have showed me. When my mom saw me cry, the first and the only thing she told me was this- Mrinaal, please don’t cry. The amount of tears you shed is the number of rivers your nanu’s soul will have to cross in order to go back to the place he came from.

I haven’t cried since. What she said is the most profound thing someone has ever told me. And perhaps that is the only way you deal with the loss of a loved one- by letting go of them happily. I have been attending college regularly so much so that after his cremation, I was back in my department (at my parents’ insistence) to attend a conference because they thought this was the best way to honour him and everything he’d stood for all along in his life.

Is this easy? It certainly isn’t but if this is what it takes, then so be it. 

Why our education system is flawed.

I do not think anyone would disagree with me when I say our education system is flawed- not in India alone but world over, almost. When I talk about our education system, though I do refer to the whole system overall but more specifically mean the higher education.

Ever since we were young, our education took the first priority and that is not bad at all. For of course, education is supposedly the most important facility that parents our supposed to provide to us. And so the process begins- the nursery admissions, interviews of our parents, donations to schools etc etc. As we grow up we realize the absurdity of all of it- a child who can barely speak is made to sit through interviews and so are the parents. What are these schools judging? I am not sure really.

Interviewing kids before they have gotten into a school? Am I the only one who sees the absurdity in  it?

I was told by my parents when I went for my nursery admission, I was wearing a frock and the school authorities would keep asking me its colors and everything (which were blue and white, by the way). I was barely three and now when I think back on it I find it quite weird. (Most guys I know cannot differentiate between shades of orange and pink, I was three then!).

And if that is not enough, these days there is a new trend of interviewing the parents- a process which is beyond my understanding by all means. What do you need to interview the parents for? I mean normal question is alright but such is the extent of these questions that most couples prepare for such interviews way before the D-day.

These are kids we are talking about with all their goo-goos and gaga and we are expecting them to sail through such questions BEFORE they have gotten into a school? Then what is the point of it all?

Okay, let us forget about all of that for now and move to the next point- our pointless syllabus. As far as I am concerned, I did not really care when a certain battle was fought or when a particular invention was made. Surely it did catch my curiosity but the fact that my passing or failing depended on these years was a bit unsettling. The point of education is to prepare us for the future, I would have liked it more had my school taught me how bank accounts are opened (I dreaded going in to a bank all by myself until last year because I found the thought too scary as I did not know anything at all) or how taxes are calculated (because I still don’t, tbh) and it just makes me feel like a fool.

So our syllabus is flawed. 

I dont understand how our syllabus are created.

But so is this concept of no-detention policy. With the advent of Right to Education, schools are being opened; students are being taught for free and it is a great step in the right direction. But are these people really learning? During the UPA regime, the then HRD minister honble (all kinds of sarcasm intended) Mr. Kapil Sibal launched the Comprehensive Curriculum Education system wherein students were graded and not scored and of course, you could not fail them. Really? REALLY?! So if a student has not learned anything in Class 3, you will promote him to class 4 where he will learn nothing because his concepts are not clear and so on. All this for what? So that you can show that he is a certain standard pass irrespective of whether or not he has that knowledge level or not? I am sure it looks great on your government’s report card but it did not really do anything for the nation except for severely hampering the youth.

There are whispers though that the new government will do away with this useless policy and one can only hope that this happens soon.

Then of course there are our colleges. I remember when I was in Class 12 in Commerce, I was pretty clueless as to what I wanted to do further but I always had an interest in English and applied accordingly. But by the time I was done a neighbor suggested my parents to have me coached in law and give their entrances. They did. And I loved it so much that I decided to pursue it further. Class 12 results came out and I went to meet my English teacher who had written glowing reviews for me for my international college applications and I distinctly remember her words- You are leaving Cardiff and Oxford for a local institute. I don’t know what is wrong with you but I do hope this does not turn out to be the biggest mistake of your life.

This unsettled me so much that I could not sleep all night. I had to rethink my decision a million times but I went ahead with it anyways. Almost two years have passed to this incident. What do I think about it now? I am not so sure. I like the place I am at but it does not satisfy me completely because no one hear talks about originality, creativity and the focus is mainly laid on book-ish knowledge. And I suppose this is the situation in most educational institutions irrespective of what field you are talking about which is the reason why they say more than 90% of graduates in India are not worthy of being employed (these are the results of actual studies conducted). With this half-baked knowledge how are we supposed to compete in this world anyway?

Maybe it is time that our education system is revamped that focuses more on developing the individuality of a student rather than producing copies.