How do you deal with the loss of a loved one?

How did you deal with the loss of a loved one?

         

The loss of a loved one does not mean they are gone, their spirit still lives within us. – Katelyn Spotten

This is perhaps the most intimate quote I have read on the death of a loved one.

I recently lost my nanu (grandfather) to a hard fought 11 year long battle with cancer and to say that it has been tough would be an understatement. My nanu was a civil servant who had worked hard all his life. Eleven years ago when he was diagnosed with cancer, I was too young, yet it felt like the whole world had come crashing down on us. But he sailed through it- eleven years cancer -free, only for it to return last year. And so the whole cycle began again- the countless sessions of chemotherapy, a radiation so strong that though it may keep you alive but it would somewhere deep down crush your soul and your spirit.

After completing his session of six months I thought it was all good now but he never really recovered- his body was too frail, his bones were visible underneath his skin yet he kept smiling through it all. He passed away last Wednesday and I had just met him on the Sunday before and he kept chit-chatting with me, asking about a recent vacation I took and the likes. And to imagine that he is no more there with us puts my stomach in knots. It is not that I do not understand that this is the way life works or that given his condition, this was inevitable but how do you prepare yourself for the death of a loved one? Or its aftermath?

Most people know my nanu as a strict public official, but for me he was the kindest, sweetest man I know.

I still cant stop myself from tearing up when I think about him or when I am with my nani or my mom or her siblings. And if it is this tough on me, I can only imagine how difficult a time it is for them. Yet, people say I was lucky that I got to meet him before he left us, but does that ever fill the void that has been left behind?

But all along, what has surprised me is the sheer amount of strength my grandma and my mom have showed me. When my mom saw me cry, the first and the only thing she told me was this- Mrinaal, please don’t cry. The amount of tears you shed is the number of rivers your nanu’s soul will have to cross in order to go back to the place he came from.

I haven’t cried since. What she said is the most profound thing someone has ever told me. And perhaps that is the only way you deal with the loss of a loved one- by letting go of them happily. I have been attending college regularly so much so that after his cremation, I was back in my department (at my parents’ insistence) to attend a conference because they thought this was the best way to honour him and everything he’d stood for all along in his life.

Is this easy? It certainly isn’t but if this is what it takes, then so be it.